i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
