Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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