I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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