dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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