U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
