Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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