She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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