You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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