; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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