And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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