The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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