fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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