the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
