i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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