I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
