i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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