i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
