just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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