I think I died a long time ago.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
