I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
