I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
