Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
