I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
