How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
