Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
