eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
