I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
COCAINE IS GR8
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
