well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
