I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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