After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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