I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
