So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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