even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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