i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
