There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
