don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
