i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
