gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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