This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
