So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
