please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
