So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
