Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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