Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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