His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
