honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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