I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
