I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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