Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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