That's when you crack a 10am beer
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Found the puke drawer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
