It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
