Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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