Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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