Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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