I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
