you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
