I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
