you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
